Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
