Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
