Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
