i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
