Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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