I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
