i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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