she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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