i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
