I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
