I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no you cant smoke seaweed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
