i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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