I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
