I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How many fucks given?
0.12846
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
