oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
