My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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