Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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