the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I had to cum in my sink.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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