so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
