i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
