I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
