I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
