The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
