Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
