This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
