My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think i have two assholes
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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