you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Randomize
