I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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