I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your penis caused this!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
