you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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