I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
