Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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