I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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