And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
