She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
