Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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