How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
