they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
