i would punch a child for taco bell
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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