It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
