i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
