First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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