if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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