She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
