If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
