I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
