Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
