My hand turned me down
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
