my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
