Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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