seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
