Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Shame - the story of my life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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