Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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