Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
