His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
