ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
