we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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