you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
