i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
