Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
