There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
