FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
