U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
