I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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