wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
